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Keeping a positive outlook!

ALC
post Sep 11 2013, 10:25 AM
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From: Nescopeck, Pennsylvania


Hi ladies! I hope you're all having a splendid day.

This is a subject which seems to come up frequently in my life. Perhaps some of you struggle with it too.

The subject is staying positive.

I grew up with (and still have!) a very negative family. They aren't mean people, they aren't awful people...they are kind and loving...but they *are* very negative. As a child, I remember frequently feeling "Why even bother trying? You know you won't do well anyway." I don't believe anyone ever said something like that to me, but it was implied all the time and in every way.

We grew up without much money and I know a lot of the negativity was brought on by that. My parents weren't trying to harm us- they were trying to be practical. I think they felt like, "Well, you're no athlete and we don't have the money to take you to practice daily anyway, so why bother?"

Do you see what I mean?

As an adult, I try very hard to stay positive but I don't take many risks or try new things because..."You're not going to be good at it anyway, it's just wasting money, why bother trying?"

Also, I don't want to be a super negative wife...but I fail a lot!! I'm so much like my mom!! Auugh! lol

Does anyone else struggle with this?

I need some hints/tricks for being more supportive, more positive, and less like my family. (Practical, but harsh.)

It seems like no matter how hard I try, I constantly falter. It's worse when I'm around my parents, and we are visiting them next week.

Any suggestions??



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Vivian Lee
post Sep 11 2013, 12:02 PM
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I absolutely understand your situation. What I can say is this....No one ever won a race by sitting on the sidelines. You will never realize your full potential if you don't put yourself out there. There is absolutely no harm in trying something and not succeeding as per the "standards" of success. If you apply yourself and try something new, you have succeeded. The harm comes when you hold back and never try. You have confirmed that with your 'why bother' attitude. Everyone measures success differently. To me, success is in trying. I have always told my Daughter that you never have to be the best, just do your best. Don't let others define your success. Ward off their negativity and keep your positive attitude.

Get out there Girl....the world is waiting for you!!



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I want to be the kind of woman that when my feet hit the floor in the morning, the devil says "Oh crap....she's up!"
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Radiana
post Sep 11 2013, 01:03 PM
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First off let me say that I just checked out your blog and had a little time to read it besides looking at the beautiful pictures. I didn't detect anything at all negative in your writing. When you say sometimes you're negative with your husband, we all have those times if things aren't going well for us or we are worried about something. In other words are you negative towards him or are you simply letting go of some negative feelings about a situation and need his shoulder to cry on? I think it's natural for us to vent and be able to get a little sympathy from our spouse.

From what I saw on your blog you and your husband seem happy and enjoying life. I think maybe you might be worried when your parents come to visit that they might bring a little negativity. Meet them at the door with some treats and sit them down and tell them a funny story or two and they'll have no reason to be negative.

You know Mandy you are so young and have the world in your hands, that's something to be cheerful about.

PS Oooops I just realized you're going to visit your parents, they're not coming to your house. You can still bring them some treats and a few funny stories. People can't be negative when they're laughing.

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GrandmaSoucie
post Sep 11 2013, 01:42 PM
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ALC: I know what you mean too!! The girls have given you some great advice, and the best thing you can do for yourself is not let their negativity bring you down. You are a great wife and a great woman, and you should DEFINITELY try anything and everything you want to, and I bet you'll be amazed at all you can succeed at!!! I know about negative people, and I try to be just the opposite, but I get down sometimes too! My daughter struggles with depression a bit and wants her life to settle down, and I am constantly telling her that things will work out. You need to tell yourself that frequently too! Things will improve, I'm so certain of that. I have faith in God that He will provide, and it may not be what we thought we wanted or needed, but He will provide. Keep the faith, girl!! I love Radiana's suggestion for greeting your parents with treats and funny stories!! I'm not much of a story teller, so I hope you are, but that sounds like the perfect way to get them on an upbeat road!!! Good luck!!



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angeljenny
post Sep 11 2013, 02:13 PM
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This is something that I am struggling with a lot at the moment. I have my home issues but just keep plodding and serving but work is the thing that gets me down. There is one woman that I sit with who is negative and gossipy from the moment she walks in to the time she goes home. It is like a black cloud! Every single thing is negative - even things that should be positive like a free party are turned negative. No one wants to sit with her so I am trapped there. No desks to swap to! I used to look forward to going to work as the majority of people are lovely and all get along. Now some mornings I dread going in and get that sick back to school feeling!

I will be reading the tips with interest! I want to get my happy bunnyness back! x

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Radiana
post Sep 11 2013, 04:10 PM
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Angeljenny I remember you talking about this a while ago, how your work environment was unpleasant for you. I know too well what that's about. I grew up with nothing but negativity in my home and had to deal with negativity often times in the workplace. It's a terrible drain on the spirit. There are plenty of negative people out there and as much as we would like to ignore them, they still get to us and can very easily ruin our day. As you mentioned no one wants to work near this woman and somehow you're the one who has to listen to her. Have you talked to your boss about this? I don't know what type of work you do but should this co worker be talking all the time anyway? Just let her know you're trying to concentrate on your work and that you can't listen to her. If her feelings get hurt she'll live. You'll be better off if she gets mad at you and doesn't speak to you.

Mandy, I was thinking more on your thoughts about lacking confidence to try new things. I'm not sure if you're thinking about a career change or a new hobby. No matter what it is just know that it's doable if you really have the interest. Let me just also say that it's o.k. to fail at something. My garden that I planted this year, that I put a lot of preparation into seemed like it was doing o.k. but ended up a dismal failure. I'm cool with it because I learned what not to do next time. I'm for sure going to try again. I don't think of it as a negative experience but just as a learning experience.

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wisconsin_mom
post Sep 11 2013, 04:42 PM
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If it's not possible to ignore the negativity, is it possible to turn it into motivation? If someone says something negative, would that motivate you to do the opposite to prove that it was wrong/unnecessary to be so negative?

My dad has been a very successful insurance agent for over thirty years, he has said many times "Kill 'em with kindness."



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Mama Lisa
post Sep 11 2013, 11:36 PM
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It's definitely hard to deal with negative people, and discouraging when you keep trying, but I think if it's someone you can't get away from, just do your best. I used to have a really hard time with my MIL, she's very negative and gossipy. But I knew the Lord was telling me to love her. Usually people who are very negative are not happy people, and often come from bad situations or a tough life. My MIL is still negative, but I usually try to get her on another topic, and just keep being positive with her. It helps. No one can deny genuine love, patience and grace.

That being said, I know sometimes things can be unbearable. Pray. A lot. And at the time, silently. God will help you. I feel for you Angeljenny. That's a hard situation, you can't leave work obviously. Sounds like you are doing your best.



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ALC
post Sep 12 2013, 09:45 AM
Post #9


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From: Nescopeck, Pennsylvania


I'd like to thank you all for commenting on this.

Vivian- Thank you for the motivation. Maybe I'll go out and try something. I've been wanting to join a Bible Study at my church for sometime. I went once and wasn't sure if I felt like I could become part of the group, so I didn't go back. Perhaps now is the time to give it a go again. I believe they are just now going to be starting a new study.

Radiana- Thanks for reading looking through my blog. I get the feeling that I'm mostly posting for myself. lol It's nice to know you gave it a look-see. I try to be positive, but I'm desperately negative at times. I talked to him about it once. He was like, "Well, I'm pretty positive you're going to assume something terrible will happen." lol We try to keep a sense of humor about it. I just tend to always assume the worst. I need to work on that. We are very happy together. Next week will be our 9 year anniversary. Hurray! smile.gif

I've not really given much thought to a new job. I don't get paid very well at my current job, but there's a lot of leniency, the girls are all wonderful here, and I like what I do. The low pay pretty much balances out. Plus, it's M-F and I have off holidays, weekends, etc. Although I consider this area a little busier than I'd like, there's still not a lot of industry. I feel kind of lucky to have the job I do.


I'm not sure about hobbies. I don't really have a lot of amazing talents that are just waiting to be practiced. lol I'd like to learn how to knit or crochet, but I'm a lefty, and not many people seem to be able to do it that way. I tried learning from a book once, but I gave up pretty quickly. lol I kinda need to see it in order to do it.

GS- Thank you! I try to not let it bother me. I actually don't mind them doing it- it's just how they are. I just don't like that when I'm around them, I tend to pick up some of their bad habits!

Jenny- Co-workers can bring you down so fast. Ugh. Are you allowed to use an ipod or wear ear buds while at work? Maybe just ignoring her will keep her from spreading her gossip around. I'm sorry it's been miserable going to work lately. I don't suppose you could speak with your boss about her negativity?

Wisconsin mom- Unfortunately, if someone says I can't do something, I'm inclined to just say, "Yep, you're right." lol I know a lot of people who are motivated by that, but I don't happen to be one of them. I don't want to say that I don't have any confidence in myself- that's not true. I have this problem with being a perfectionist and if I can't do things the right way, then I don't want to embarrass myself by trying.

Mama Lisa- I agree! Staying positive and being loving and caring seems to be the best medicine. I can't solve my parents financial difficulties (my dad's company moved to Mexico a few years ago and its been tough going since then) but I can be there for them. smile.gif I will continue to pray for patience, kindness, and a willing spirit to do what the Lord wants me to do. (He's got His work cut out for him. I'm a stubborn old bird! lol)

Many thanks to all of you for answering me. smile.gif



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Molly
post Sep 13 2013, 08:54 PM
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Aw, it's been a tiring week and I haven't read or posted much and am sorry I missed this when you first posted it. Where you are now is a whole lot like where I was at your age as far as feeling like a Negative Nelly. Not that age has brought wisdom or anything but now in my 50's at least it feels like I have started giving myself a bit of a break and am not quite so mean in my inner monologue. You are probably much harder on yourself than anybody else and are probably seen as a very positive person by others actually...you'd be surprised I bet!

Try to be patient and kind with yourself. You are smart to know that you can't change other's negativity and also smart to be concerned about not wanting to be that way for others. Do you remember reading one of Brenda's posts (I think it was back on her own blog) about her own inner monologue and how she reminded herself to speak kinder and softer? That really hit a nerve with me and I do try to be a lot more mindful now of my tone of voice...it was really a timely post! It sounds like you are already trying that and are actually on the right path. Just stick with it! smile.gif Try that new Bible study too, getting in at the beginning of the new class might be just the thing.

And of course, keep hanging out with us here! We are an excellent team of prayer warriors and cheer leaders and need you. Hugs!!



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